I don’t know about you, but underwear always seems so binding. And if you’re wearing a dress that’s just a little clingy, you see lines and maybe a little bit of the love handles. Well, I decided to stop wearing underwear for my 50 Weeks to 50 journey. Bras are still okay, I need to lift my aging lovely pair. But no more panties.
Think about it. It will save me a fortune from wanting to take advantage of all those Victoria’s Secret panty sales – 7 for $26 is going on right now. And for some reason it takes me longer to decide on what panty to wear for occasions than my outfit. Not that anyone else is going to see them (well, maybe sometimes). But for instance, when my kids are playing a ball game, I admit that I wear school colored undies — I think it will bring them good luck. So, I go out and buy all the blue colored cotton ones, some with polka dots, some with graphics, some that say “LOVE” on the behind. I have found that the plain blue ones provide the best winning percentage.
But I want to get away from being too superstitious. Partially why I am getting rid of the undies. They stress me out.
So far it’s been quite liberating. I feel so free and unrestrained. And so fresh, and airy. It’s spring all over. I think my personality has even changed, I feel so much more relaxed. Maybe if people stopped wearing undies, everyone would get along so much better. Shall we suggest this to Obama and Putin? It does seem so hippish 1960s and 1970s, but they knew what they were doing with that peace, love movement. No undies equals exhilaration!
The freestyle lifestyle seems to be winning so far, yesterday the varsity team did fabulous — winning 12-2 (Craig Grubbe pitched a complete game and Morgan Baumeister hit a grand slam!). Two more games this week, let’s hope for the same result. No underwear brings positive baseball karma. Maybe I should suggest this to all the team moms – have an underwear bonfire at the beach. Didn’t they burn bras in the 60s? Better yet, no underwear days at Petco Park! I think I may need to trademark something here — win without undiewear? Hmm, I’ll think of something better.
Now if I get my kids to do the same thing, it would reduce one full load of laundry per week. Maybe it can be a whole new movement. Less money, less impact on resources. Celebrate Earth Month and stop wearing underwear – it’s environmentally friendly.
To be realistic, there may be times when underwear is hygienically prudent. You know…like that time of the month. And well, especially to those of us who have had children, when you’re sick and sneezing and coughing, sometimes a little pee is released…well you get it.
But overall, my new motto is: Go commando, the environmentally friendly non-fashion style!
For those of you who are on Facebook and may read my posts, I had already announced that I would stop wearing underwear. And thank you to those who liked or commented to the post, especially all you men. And those who did like or comment, I sent them the following message:
“UH OH!! You should not have liked or commented! Now you have to pick one of the 14 below and post to your status. This is the 2014 breast cancer awareness game. Don’t be a spoil sport; just choose your poison and change your status. 1) Damn diarrhea. 2) Just used my boobs to get out of a speeding ticket. 3) Anyone have a tampon, I’m out. 4) How do you get rid of foot fungus? 5) Why is nobody around when I’m horny? 6) No toilet paper goodbye socks! 7) Someone offered me a job as a prostitute but I’m hesitant. I think I’m in love with someone what should I do? 9) I’ve decided to stop wearing underwear. 10) I still love my ex. 11) I really don’t know how to tell anyone and I’m sick of hiding it I’m gay. 12) Guess it was too good to be true, I’m pregnant. 13) Just won $7000 on a scratchy. 14) I’ve just found out I’ve been cheated on for the past 5 months. Post with no explanations. And remember…I fell for this first!!”
My friend Lucie had posted the boobs one, and I liked it. Of course, I had to play the game, and I posted the underwear statement. I thought of posting some of the others, but didn’t want to cause a community scandal. My mom immediately had questioned why I was no longer wearing underwear and was very concerned.
Remember, it is for Breast Cancer Awareness. Ladies, and men, make sure to check your breasts monthly (you men can happily assist with that), and get regular mammograms.
Yes, my friends – Happy April Fool’s Day!
(If you are wondering, these are not photos of my actual underwear, I still keep some things private. I took these from eBay. Apparently you can buy used Victoria’s Secret underwear online.)